Jump 4 Jay

Update – sigh. Yes, still Jay, or at least as much as it was ever Jay.

The worst part about being me is that I’m really not much of a person. I mean, sure, I’m actually a fictional character. But even so, there are any number of fictional characters who were created by someone with creativity and insight into the human condition.

Not me. I’m a by-product of someone else’s secondhand domain name. Someone bought the domain simply to offer links to things like USA online casinos accepting Webmoney. They saw ‘jump4jay.com’, and thought “okay, I’ll write this pretending to be some moron named Jay.” And that’s as far as the idea went.

Okay, so there’s the dumbass story below. I guess if you really wanted to, you could call that ‘character development’. Except that the story is just like the name: the author saw “jump” and made up a lame story about the first thing that came to his mind (jumping beans. I mean, come on…even Captain Obvious could do better than that!).

So I’ve gone from being a name and nothing else to being a guy who tells lame and patently unbelievable stories, with the occasional USA casino non sequitur. I was created by a not-too-bright person with a serious creativity deficiency.

I can’t even claim to be the most pathetic creation in the history of writing, because that would assume a level of distinction that I don’t deserve. I make stick figures look complex and unique.

Oh well, here you go. Enjoy it if you can.

Hi.  I’m Jay.

Some people refer to me as J (only when writing, ‘cuz “J” and “Jay” sound exactly alike), Junior, or Jason. Take your pick.

Here on this site, I’ll discuss some things that get me jumpin’ – things that motivate me, inspire me, and make me the man that I am today.

Let me explain the whole Jump 4 Jay thing. When I was about seven years old, my parents presented me with a pair of Mexican jumping beans in a box. Thinking they were magical Mexican beans (I mean, how else can they move around like that?), I carefully constructed my fantasy world filled with children becoming kings (thanks, C.S Lewis), Santa Claus, and magical beans that may – I figured – quite possibly have fallen out of Jack’s pocket as he climbed up a certain beanstalk.

Alas, my fantasy world was about to implode. I took my magical beans, and planted them into the ground, sure that a beanstalk would spring up immediately out of the bowels of the earth. It didn’t. I dug ‘em back out, and studied them carefully for the next couple of days. I remember pleadin’ “c’mon, jump for Jay, jump for Jay, beans” over and over again. I soon noticed with growing alarm that they weren’t listening – and certainly were no longer jumping with as much force and vigor as they had been.

I decided to do a little bit of research. We had an encyclopedia set in the house, and I looked up Mexican Jumping Beans. I was appalled to discover that they weren’t magical beans at all, but were instead beans that contained moth larvae. The larvae, trying to protect itself from heat, would vigorously roll away, hence the “jumping”. The reason for the slowdown, according to Encyclopedia Brittanica? The larvae was dying – the lack of jumping signified a lack of life.

Talk about a jarring dose of reality.

Suddenly, the sham fell away – as the life seeped out of the larvae, so did my innocence. From that instant on, I knew – without a doubt – that there was no Santa Claus, that Jack and the Beanstalk was just a tall (literally) tale, and nothing magical ever comes out of Mexico, except for maybe a $0.99 1/2 lb bean and cheese burrito from Del Taco. I also realized with deep regret that I’d never be king, primarily because I didn’t live in a kingship or kingdom.

So my innocence stripped thusly, I vowed to never again put on my rose-colored glasses – and committed to the idea that I would look at life with the unflinching, unwavering, steely resolve of a truth laser. True, I might be random at times, but I’m always honest!

Speaking of random and honest, I’m honestly in love with A SWITCH IN TIME, an online slot that I found at casinos that accept US players. This i-Slot, single handedly, shifted the paradigm of what I thought online slots were capable of recently. Kinda like what those Mexican jumping beans did so many years ago…